Squat and Push

Our 2^nd weekend in Jaipur and all 11 of us were itching to travel. Jaipur, Delhi and Agra are considered part of the ‘great triangle.’ For those of you who don’t know the Taj Mahal is located in Agra, and of course when you’re in India, one must travel to the Taj. We hired a bus that seated all 11 of us and we were off.

The trip there took about 5 hours and it became really hard to sleep because looking out the window here seems like a movie. There is always so much to see and observe. Camels, random cows, crazies on motorcycles, naked babies, lots of monkeys, men peeing on the street…if I had a quarter for every time I’ve seen a man pee…woofta I’d be a rich son of a…ok I won’t go that far. But it seems to be the way to go here, just whip it out, do your business and bam! I’ve also realized that every place in India is completely different from the next so to shut your eyes on a bus ride is impossible. You have to keep them open just out of curiosity.

On the rooftop of the Siddartha

To be on the safe side we stayed at a hotel that was recommended in the Lonely Planet (a life-saver if you are ever traveling anywhere). India’s Lonely Planet is so darn huge I could easily press a leaf it in, just so you know how big and diverse India is. So we arrive at Siddartha (the hotel) and it is beautiful. Nicely priced with a rooftop view of the Taj Mahal, can’t complain. So every chance I got I would sit on the roof. and I roomed together. Our room was complete with a connected ‘trinket’ shop that was run by the owner’s sister so I guess if we had that crazy urge to shop at midnight…we could. How thoughtful. And then I looked in the bathroom and low and behold our first squatting toilet! I really needed to go so… “Let’s see how this thing works.”

How To Use Squatting Toilet For Dummies, aka The Bathroom In A Hole In The Ground:

1. Straddle feet on ribbed tile

2. Take a breath (believe me, it’s a good idea)

3. Pull down your pants, all the way down

4.  Squat like a frog, chest should be between thighs and knees close to your cheeks (the cheeks on your face)

5. Establish good balance

6. Do your thang (if you like to take your time in the bathroom, the squat is not for you. Find another toilet). Be careful of your aim.

7.  Fill the cup with water pour down backside and wipe with hand.

8. Wiggle around to dry yourself off. Stand up and pull up your clothes.

9. Wash hands. THOUROUGHLY. Congratulations! You have used the squatting toilet!

And with that out of the way, I went to experience my first world wonder: the Taj Mahal. The Taj was built in 1653, in memory of emperor Shan Jahan’s wife. She died after giving birth to their 14^th child…yep I know. And the Taj Mahal is her tomb inlayed with thousands of precious stones and mainly composed of white marble.

The minute we arrived in the parking lot we were swarmed with “Madame! Madame! Just look, looking is free!” We bought our tickets and were immediately bombarded by ‘Tour Guides,’ who would only charge us 100 rupees and could get us in way faster. “The wait to get in to the Taj would be at least 2 hours.” We decided we’d rather just fare it on our own and got it line. And woah! People here do NOT have concepts of personal space. We were waiting in line in a clump so we could chat and whatnot. We got so many awful looks. Here people make straight lines with absolutely no space between your butt and the person’s crotch (good thing there are separate lines for men and women, and I’m pretty sure that’s why). I was the last person in our clump so I was ‘blessed’ with some short Indian women’s boobs in my back and whatnot. What a pleasant wait. People would push and glare and when there was a gap in the line it was filled within 5 seconds. So different from America! People don’t understand making the line physically shorter does NOT make the line move any faster. Luckily, we didn’t take that tour guide to ‘get us in faster’ -we only waited in line for 40 minutes. Those liars! People will try and trick you into anything here.

10 of us at the Taj

The Taj Mahal took my breath away. It lives up to the standards of the 7 wonders of the world. I honestly have no words that I could use to accurately describe my feelings. And surprisingly it seemed that more Indians were there than foreigners. Hmmm. Back to the hot mugginess of the bus- we were once again harassed by sellers. They practically climbed into the car and I (being as manly as I am) had to get aggressive and push them out so we could shut the door. I know I know how noble.

I’m finally felt like I got the hang of being firm and like D.A.R.E told us : to “Just say no.” Well by golly I did that and more.