Day Three- Someone help me

Yes yes yes, I have been terribly bad about writing my adventures in my blog. It’s been almost a month and I have so much to say! So although the hospital incident happened such a long time ago I am going to continue in the same format because I’m anal like that and don’t want to alter the ‘vibe’ of the blog (for my own sake J ). Now back to the hospital…(chimes ringing like returning to the story)...

You have a lot of time to contemplate life when you are in a hospital in a third world country. Many of you will say, “Well hey, you wanted to learn about public health didn’t ya? Here it is…at it’s finest.”

Ok I can totally do this, although I didn’t want to be in the hospital while all my friends were out exploring India and its wonders, I did have a T.V that had some English channels and the best part- I had an actual shower! Like one that streams down on your head! So fabulous. And I also had time alone, something I hadn’t received a lot of since arriving in India.

Me 'enjoying' the hospital

So the plan was that I would stay over night and leave the next morning. My roommate Amanda accompanied me after coming back from the field trip. What a saint. I read Eat Pray Love, watched some T.V (Dead Poet’s Society to be exact) and slept a lot. My body felt so weak and my appetite was only craving the standard ‘American sick foods;’ chicken noodle soup, saltine crackers, sprite. Three meals -all the dietician would give me was the bland daal, kitchiri, curd (chunky, soupy, plain yogurt that Indians eat a lot), and coconut water (of which I had high hopes for because I heard it was good and it was NOT!). I picked at the food like a picky 5-year-old child and forced some of it down my throat. However, between my scrumptious meals I did get tea (with two packets of sugar in- yum) and biscuits that I snarfed down. All I wanted was some toast and jelly- just toast and jelly PLEASE! So after a lot of begging and pantomiming I finally got toast and jelly with each meal. Every time I needed to go to the bathroom I had to push the nurse button and have them unhook me so I could make the pathetic- me looking pathetic- walk to the washroom- very inconvenient when there are constantly fluids and antibiotics flowing through your body making you have to go to the bathroom twice as much. Each time the nurse would re-hook my IV I’d feel a cool rush through my arm of the liquids that were re-hydrating me. I had lost about 5lbs, so for all you weight watchers- it’s simple; fly to India, lick the street or something (ok you don’t need to go that far but if you want guaranteed results that’s the best way), get a lot of loose motions and boom! 5lbs out the door.

Three days damned days and three damned nights I spent in Fortis hospital. One night my ass- the plan changed from a few hours, to one night, to maybe stay until the next day to not discharged until Monday.

At least I had a gorgeous view from my window...too bad I had to ask the nurse to unhook me each time if I ever wanted to see it.

Let me tell you a little something about this hospital- apparently one of the best in the country. Well first, I look back on it and it’s all quite hilarious, however when you are in the midst of a hospital stay it seems like forever and it sucks. As I would be sleeping with my cute little stuffed dog cinnamon, pleasantly dreaming about normal bowel movements and toast with jelly, 6a.m. every morning- KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK! HOUSEKEEPING!

Me: “What the…GO AWAY!” It is 6 a.m. in the morning. What in the world could possibly be done at 6a.m. that could improve the situation?

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK!

Me: “NO! NAHI CHAYIE! (I don’t need!)” LET ME SLEEP FOR LORDS SAKE.

The door opens…two little nurses scurry in. So much for my Hindi lessons…. They spray the ground and air with something equivalent to Lysol/Windex. They didn’t wipe it up…just spray- is this the typical cleaning method in India? Clean the bathroom and then poke me. They point to the loose sheet that ‘covers’ the plastic hospital bed I am sleeping on…

Nurse: “Change.”

The 'hotel' as my host sister bulbul called it-hotel my ass

You’ve GOT to be kidding me…no way in hell…

Nurse: poke poke poke, “Change.”

Welp, sitting here is going to do nothing so I succumbed. I get up at 6a.m. and wait for them to change the sheet- that I guess desperately needed to be changed that very moment.

Within the three days I was there I had three different doctors, all of whom poked my stomach, checked the vitals and peaced out. It wasn’t until the third doctor that I asked- “Um, what is going on? What do I have?”

Doctor: “O. No one told you? You have gastroenteritis.”

In the most sarcastic tone I thought; WHY THANK YOU GOOD SIR! How kind of you to take the time to visit your patient and inform me. I have been in this hospital for two whole days and I finally am clued in on why the hell I’m here.

On the bright side, during sporadic times in the day I would have a card laying on top of my bed- “Get Well Soon,” signed by no one…with my name spelled wrong, but hey at least someone was nice enough to give me a card eh? Same card, with the same happy white people on the front, in a nice Fortis Escorts envelope, precious.

I made it clear I had wanted an English-speaking nurse. Apparently, my program told the hospital only women were to work with me due to gender roles here. Well, if it’s between having someone I actually understand and someone who I have to pantomime the potty dance to at least 10 times a day- I’ll take the boy.

From then on, it was somewhat of a pleasant experience- I was informed on what was happening and even became Facebook friends with good old Kanishk. Tell me how often that happens? Not entirely sure if that's sketchy...or not...but if I have more loose motions Kanishk is just a Facebook message away.

After a lot of alone time, a lot of crying and frustration, a lot of pondering life, a lot of pooping, a lot of daal, kitchiri and curd, a lot of pantomiming the potty dance- I was discharged. Entered early Friday, left late Monday-I was a free woman. Let my life begin.

Welcome to India.